Writing Love Letters
I’m constantly trying to be a better person, to rise above the negativity in my life and move on. While in theory this sounds like an easy thing to do, in practice it is a very difficult battle that I fight every single day. I do it gladly, however, because I can see the person I want to be, and I’m willing to fight hard to become that woman.
One of my big problems is holding on to anger and resentment. I’ve made huge steps on this end over the past few months, but there’s still so much room for growth. I’m certainly a more patient person than I was, and a more open person, but it still isn’t enough. I’m still not where I want to be.
I’ve found something that has been helping, however. I’ve been writing love letters to all the people I have felt have wronged me. Instead of clinging to that rage and letting it eat me alive, I have been trying to find why these so-called betrayals are things I should be thankful for. I have forced myself to re-examine my life and find the positive instead of focusing on the negative.
It’s a very good exercise, but also a very surreal one. The other day, for instance, I wrote one to someone with the dubious title of “The Other Woman.” Today I found myself writing to my rapist. It’s something I thought I would never do, but to find the positive in such horror has been so freeing.
To find the good in it all is life affirming. This exercise in love and forgiveness has really given me the chance to refocus my life. I refuse to be gripped by anger and negativity for any longer. I cannot remember the last time I was fully free from resentment. Pessimism is not the answer; it has proven to be a dead end. The opportunities to turn that hatred inward are too great, and I can see where I have been led down that path too many times.
I’m taking a stand. For the person I want to be and the person I know I can be. It is far easier to continue to live the fearful life, to stay where we are comfortable and with what we know. I reject this idea. I have not been happy, and there is no reason for this to continue. I am brave and I am ready to start walking forward.
