Small Town Wren

So after being sick and then having Spring Break #1, and then the weather becoming pleasant for a turn….I stopped doing my homework. I just didn’t get to it. I needed some real time off, and then I just couldn’t get back in the swing of things. And now I have found myself in full out meltdown mode. I did 11 hours straight of homework today, about 13 hours of work total.

That is far too much, and I’m really kicking myself for letting me do this to myself. Really, Miss Wren, you should have been doing work for the past two weeks. I shouldn’t have let it get pushed back so far. Now I have three projects due this week and I’ve only just started on them. Ah crud.

And I got all my travel vaccines today (and I didn’t have to get my tetanus after all!). But three vaccines in both arms plus lots of heavy books put my arms completely out of commission after I got home from the library. It was really quite pathetic. I had to ask my father to pull my bag and books out of the car because it felt like my muscles were going to tear themselves to shreds if I even moved my arms. It’ll be totally worth it when I’m in Xela though. I’ve got another 12 hours or so of work lined up for tomorrow, too. At least I got my girl Aurora on my back. We’re library hopping tomorrow.

I just have to make it through Wednesday. Wednesdays are my new night off, so I just need to finish my Thursday project on Wednesday and I’m golden. Never mind the huge Tuesday Project and huge Monday project and presentation. I might actually cry.

Well folks, I submitted it. I submitted my application for student teaching (Spring 2011). What a frightening prospect this is. Not because it will be a difficult job–which it undoubtedly will–but trying to figure out how to cope with working 40+ hours a week for free. Actually, not for free, for -$6000.

That’s right, I will be teaching ~25 youngsters in a public classroom and I will be paying a university for the privilege. Now I’m no stranger to the unpaid internship, I’ve had plenty coming from the entertainment industry. But student teaching is a little different. It’s not running coffee and giggling with professionals; it’s teaching. It’s accepting the full responsibilities of a teacher without compensation. This is the business of changing lives, people.

This is completely ridiculous. And also somewhat enraging. And the logistics of it for a non-undergraduate student are next to impossible. I’m among the lucky ones in my program; I don’t have children I need to support. I’ve got free room and board to help me float the five months of forced “unemployed employment.” I know a number of single moms in my classes. I can’t even comprehend how much in savings they’ll need to be able to survive that semester. I cringe as I discuss working tail evenings and weekends with the couple who are as lucky as me.

I’m angry. I love my job more than anything, and I’m angry that I have to leave it and it’s meager salary (let’s forget the fact that I’d be willing to do it for free). I’m angry that I have to leave my buddy for a minimum of 5 months, possibly after this year if that’s what his parents and the district think is best. I’m angry that there is no way I can do both. And I’m angry that I’m going to have fight high school students for minimum-wage part-time grunt work with evening and weekend hours. But that doesn’t compare to the anger that this havoc-wreaking institution is thrusting on my lives and those whom I work with. I could at least understand it a little easier if I didn’t have to pay out of my pocket for this “privilege.” I could at least justify it if I would receive some form of compensation beyond the promise of a degree in the future.

I don’t want to leave my job. My job is the whole reason I’m getting this degree. I just find it incredibly upsetting that the two are in conflict, a conflict that doesn’t make much sense.

I have a very funny feeling that this new semester of graduate school is going to bring more than its fair share of funny/sad anecdotes. I don’t want to imply that I don’t like my professors or my fellow students–that’s hardly the case at all–I just find many of them to be…interesting. While I have enjoyed getting mad props for my crazy organizational colored pens and matching colored highlighters, that’s the only consistent thing about all of my classes so far that I’ve enjoyed (besides a few choice classmates who are in all of my classes).

As for the anecdotes…I somehow always get elected to be secretary of X, Y, & Z due to my compulsive organization. This leads me to reading much more of my classmates’ work than most others do. Today I had the pleasure of reading a summary that was twice as long as the text it was trying to summarize. I’m not even sure what to do with something like that. I’m not even sure how that works, period.

I’m still baffled.

I just finished up my first week of the new semester. Three brand new grad classes.  I’m not especially thrilled about the amount of work the next 8 weeks are already promising. I can only hope that the 8 weeks after that will entail much less.

This semester looks like it’s going to shape up to being Hell on earth. Someone in one of my classes actually asked if the class textbook was a scholarly source. Seriously? No, seriously? If you have to ask that question, what are you doing in graduate school? The lecture on using a variety of sources and the textbook and blahblahblah that ensued from this question was a major waste of time. And I know that person was here last semester, so really there’s no excuse.

Also, I think my Teaching P.E. professor was my P.E. teacher when I was in, like, 3rd grade or so. Awkward much?

Yesterday was my first full day of break. And how did I spend my time? Reading textbooks of course!

Yeah, it’s a real super party. But, I figure, I have the time now. I don’t really have anything better to do with my time, so I might as well get ahead while I can. Having finally made some friends in the vicinity of my parents’ house means that I’d like to have more free time so I might have a more active social life this semester. You know, the semester where I’m taking four graduate courses.

I’m kind of bummed out though: I checked my credit card statements today and almost threw up. $479 on textbooks (and just textbooks). I even got several of them deeply discounted, (50% off or more). And I still need to buy school supplies. I need more binders and post-its. Tiny post-its. Expensive post-its.

It’s pretty rotten when your books cost more than 10% of your tuition costs. Even with a lot of them purchased for a more than fair price. My bank account is going to suffer so dearly this semester.

From: Wren Roberts
To: Dr. Jackson
Date: December 3, 2009; 1:01am
Subject: Learning Proposal Question

Hi Dr. Jackson!

Do our narrative defense and philosophy portion have to be two distinct sections? I can’t imagine defending my lesson plans without talking about my personal philosophy. This may be because I view lesson plans as a road map, not necessarily a rigid step-by-step manual to by followed to the T (and I think the way I wrote them reflects that). I loathe everything that scripted instruction stands for and the way I see my lesson plans actually happening in my theoretical classroom is directly influenced by research, my philosophy, and the way I see my class-at-large working beyond the lesson plans. I have so many things that are operating (in my head at this point, at least) that don’t belong in my lesson plans. I have thoughts about year-long portfolios for various things, I have reading passports that exist beyond the curriculum but involve the curriculum, etc.  The way I would implement the lesson plan instruction of “Have students draw what they see.” goes so far beyond just drawing and involves many opportunities for expression.

I don’t think I can separate a research-based defense from a philosophical approach because, to me, they are so interrelated. You can’t have one without the other. I, personally, think a lot of the problems we see in education today are caused by trying to isolate research from philosophy and attempting to only take one or the other into account. I think that’s fundamentally flawed and in some cases may actually be dangerous.

I mean, could I make them be two distinct sections? If I absolutely had to. But trying to force it into that structure feels entirely unnatural to me and might do a disservice to to my actual plan.

Please let me know.

Thanks!
Wren

Sad but true. Postings might be a bit spotty for the next week or two as I try very hard to not kill myself due to all the work I have to get done.

Every year I’m surprised by how much I’m not a fan of Thanksgiving. I’m not really excited by standard Thanksgiving fare (turkey is not my strong suit). I’m kind of nonplussed by the “working vacation” aspect that school always assigns the holiday. I tend to get into fights with everyone I encounter, too. I’m not really sure why, but I’m particularly prone to snapping at people in mid-late November.

It just messes with my groove in a way that no two-day holiday ever should. School work becomes even less appealing but, as is the case now, it is more imperative to get it done. Somehow all of my final papers and such are due by Friday this week. But let’s not talk about that. I don’t even want to think about that.

Perhaps it’s the for-real break preview aspect. There’s just enough time off to get me thinking about free time and reading a book for, you know, fun, but then WHAM!, it’s back to the grind. Only the grind is a million times worse. And it’s a sprint to winter holidays and real rest time. Time that I want now, dammit!

After our insurance company announced their premiums for next year, it officially became cheaper for me to spend two years in grad school earning a degree while staying on my parents’ health insurance than to pay for individual coverage.

That’s right. My master’s is cheaper than health care. I can’t even come up with anything to say about it.

It’s already proven itself to be a long week.  I picked up another grad class this week as F01 turned into F02. I love the class, but my work load is about as tough as I can handle, just about. It’s incredibly fortunate that I love the class I picked up: Classroom Dynamics.  Why can’t we have a full semester of that and only half of one on Assessment?

I already mentioned the H1N1 vaccine disaster. Now they’ve canceled their other clinics due to running out. As I said: we’re all doomed.

I’m exhausted and stressed out about things. It hasn’t helped that my medications make it hard for me to sleep if I don’t do that weird skip-every-fourth-day regimen. Guess who forgot to skip the fourth day during such a busy week? Oh yeah, I totally loved waking up every hour or so last night and then being up for 20-30 minutes. It also hasn’t helped that the last twenty minutes of down-time I had at work were scheduled up with K-Leap interventions.

As I say all the time: I love my job, and I love my buddy, but having a few minutes to just hang out in Kindergarten when he’s with a specialist was a welcome pause. Today was kind of a grumpy day anyway. He was tired, and we had a run-in with projectile, goopy snot. And we painted our faces green.  God bless water-soluble paint. I don’t know how I would have explained that one.  At least he didn’t rub hand sanitizer in his eyes today.

I just wish I didn’t have to wake up early tomorrow for a checkup with my brain doctor. Sleep would be so welcome tonight, and being able to sleep in past 8:30 would be incredible. C’est la vie.